Sunday, February 14, 2010
Speaking different languages...
It is common for us when our friends keep complaining that their boyfren/girlfren are not understanding, not alert on their needs and emotions. And wonders, just because of this we always blame the other party and never realize that we are confronting with somebody who came from different world with us. Dr John Gray in his book 'Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus' did mention that "men and women are supposed to be different. But if they do respect and accept their differences, the happiness will come to them.."
We usually expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire them to what we want and feel the way we feel. It is a fact that the way we think and the way men's think are really different. However, both men and women are possible to reach the similar point of thinking if they do trying to understand the tracks of their partner seeing and imaging. I just remember one part of this book by Dr John Gray that i ever read before - Speaking different language. This part really attracted me. Actually, men and women languages had the same words, but the way they were used gave different meanings. Women always talk and use metaphors to express their feeling but men always take the words a an information.
For example, a girl said to a guy, 'When I went out with you, chatting, watching movie and laughing, I feel released'.. Instead, the guy misinterpret and mislead her words by asking, 'Are you using me to bring you out from your lonely..?'..
This kind of conveying will make the girl feel hurted, frustrated and unappreciated. Actually, what the girl intend to say is, she is comfortable with him, she trust him and happy to be with him. Instead, the guy simply take her words as a literal information.
Lets consider a situation..
I asked my father to buy bread at shop for the breakfast and after 10 minutes, he come back with Gardenia bread, just a bread..But it is different when I asked my mother the same thing. She will return home with Gardenia bread, peanut butter, eggs and sardines. Men always understand one. While women will understand a word as a whole. That is how men and women are different and this is what we should understand more. Never blame but try to feel men's world, try to explore their languages.
Besides, speaking bout happiness, Ustaz Hasrizal Jamil in his book 'Aku Terima Nikahnya' said, "In a relationship, never demanding. Instead, we have to always giving without asking for any reward.."
As a human, it is normal if we feel of giving up and tiring of giving so much time. But a good communication, discussion, understanding, trust and compassion will help both parties to play role of giving and receiving.
I really admired Ust Hasrizal and his wife on the way they accepted their partner. Even at the early marriage, when his wife was assigning for servicing outside the state and live separately, they still practising the good and loving communication with each other. They noticed that they are speaking the different languages but they got the happiness because they got these 3 things - positive communication, supportive giving and a full of warm receiving..